The Self Care Struggle: Why Your Routine Isn’t Working

If I were to do a quick Google search about self care the results would be a mix of mental health and then superficial stuff about pampering myself.

But self care has range, y’all. I wrote an article recently about the 8 areas of self care because I personally was surprised that there were so many areas that contribute to a healthy self care routine or practice.

I read an article recently about how chasing the trend of “wellness” is actually still leaving some of us unfulfilled and still sad, sick, and stressed. Simply because we are aren’t doing the thing that would make the most impact on “saving ourselves”. Instead of meditating more, the actual action to reduce stress could be as simple as finding a new job, without necessarily getting a pay increase.

The “wellness” industry is so expansive, it’s easy to get lost in what may appear to be a solution to whatever you’re seeking an answer to. But it’s important to understand that managing wellness should always include a comprehensive strategy.  It’s meant to be approached as a life long journey, and that your routine most likely will need updating depending on where life takes you.

My belief is simply this: If you have the right strategy, you’ll build the right routine, and you’ll be on the right path towards managing, even prioritizing wellness.

Rina Raphael wrote “We have become a self care nation. Though arguably one that still lacks the fundamentals of wellbeing.” We are among the most stressed workers in the world and about 1 in 5 of US adults have a mental illness. We, as women, probably created or popularized the self care and wellness field, and ironically, we are more likely to experience conditions that make it a necessary practice.

One thing that’s important to recognize, is that wellness companies have marketing campaigns designed to encourage you to buy something, or at least get you engaged with them somehow. And that’s how they shape your view of what you need to achieve wellness.

The reality is your goal (wellness) is different from their goal (profit)- so empowering yourself to hit your goal could mean your solution is different from what they have. To put it clearly: don’t let effective wellness marketing efforts overrule what you personally feel you need.

So here are some practical steps to help you create a self care routine that will help you achieve your wellness goals.

Identify what you want life to look like

Start with the end in mind. If you have a vision of what you want life to look like, embrace and commit to it. Write it out, make it plain. Sometimes the exercise of writing out your vision helps you to get clarity and direction.

Identify some non-negotiables

Just like you know what you want, it’s important to set boundaries to shut out what you don’t want. What are the things that you absolutely do not want as part of your routine because it’s not in support of your wellness goals.

Manage Expectations

It is unfair to yourself to expect happiness 100% of the time. That’s not possible, because we are humans that have different life experiences and situations. It is possible, however, to create safeguards in your life to maximize your happiness. One of these safeguards is your self care routine where you consciously take the time to refresh and prioritize yourself and your specific needs. Life happens, and wellness is about authentically acknowledging how you feel and then creating an environment where you get the love, support and care you need.

Create routines in each of the 8 self care areas

I wrote an article recently where I name and describe the different areas of self care that should be part of your routine- check it out here. Use each area to build a comprehensive self care plan.

Establish frequency in each area

In addition to what you do, it’s important to commit to the frequency of the thing(s) you do. For some, once a week in each area is the sweet spot, but you may only need once a month to hit everything. And as seasons change in your life you may need to tweak the frequency a bit.

Audit and Adjust

Colleen Derkatch once said “Real wellness means having conditions under which we can flourish”. Just because you created a plan, doesn’t mean it’s set in gold. Feel free to adjust as necessary because at the end of the day, it’s all about you and what you need to feel your best.

My hope for you is that you get all of your wellness needs met. After all, you deserve to show up in the world being the best version of yourself as possible. In this new year, are you committing to yourself and prioritizing your wellness goals? If so, what parts are you going to add to your routine?