You Think it’s Self- Care. Are You Really Just Self Soothing?

As I dig deeper into self care and discover tools to help teen girls and women increase self love and confidence, I realize there is so much more to self care than maintaining physical appearance and any other superficial descriptions for taking care of ourselves.

I was reading something and it mentioned the term “self soothing” and how sometimes we mistake that for self care. The problem is that attempts to soothe ourselves are really insufficient and do not give us the breadth of the care we personally need. While soothing yourself is a form of self care because it provides temporary relief, it is not enough to be considered sufficient, sustainable self care.

So let’s get some definitions out the way: “Self soothing” is how we cope while/after getting ourselves out of mental, emotional or physical distress. To be clear, we need to be able to soothe ourselves when necessary. But the key is to self soothe in positive ways.

Some experts believe addiction for some people is rooted in self soothing- one may turn to alcohol to numb the pain they are feeling after a traumatizing experience. Now, even though that example was a negative one, soothing isn’t meant to be destructive. Another example could be escapism, where instead someone copes with the aftermath of a situation by playing video games.

Self care, however, is a broader concept. It refers to the overall way we manage our health, wellbeing and our wellness. A self care plan is comprehensive when it covers these 8 areas: physical, financial, psychological, emotional, social, environmental, spiritual, and professional. It can be described as what you can do to improve your own wellbeing that you do not need a doctor for.

Self soothing is for temporary relief of a specific event, however, self care is an overall concept for how one maximizes their health by managing all the above areas. It incorporates a set of practices that are sustainable and designed for long term management of wellness and wellbeing.

Self soothing is immediate relief, self care is incorporated into your lifestyle. Healthy self soothing is a part of a comprehensive self care plan. Healthy methods include meditation, visualization, using each of your 5 senses (i.e. sound- play some music, touch- stress ball or comforting object, smell- candles or essential oils).

Keep in mind, sometimes self soothing behaviors can conflict with your self care needs in a way that’s not helpful, but rather detrimental. For example, if you use a monthly budget and have a high priority goal, then shopping when you are self soothing is not productive as it takes money away from your goal.

 It is important to have balance and reflect on how you engage in both self soothing and overall self care practice. Since self care is such an individual thing, what works for someone may not work for you. The goal in wellness is to enhance and enrich your life so you can operate at maximum potential.

If you need some ideas to jazz up your routine, check out this article I wrote recently.   

Self soothing is reactive, but self care is proactive. As you can see on the below chart, there are some activities that are both appropriate for short term self soothing and for long term self care. It’s easy to look at the soothe column and think those activities are enough for long term self care, however I would caution you to take a deeper look.

So how have you been self soothing this week? What did you do this week for self care? I would love to hear about it!