All I Really Want Is To Be Happy: How Self-Care and Self-Love Reduce Discontent and Distress

All I really want, is to be happy,

And to find a love that’s mine

it would be so sweet

The first thing that jumped into my mind when I was thinking of a title for this article was “Be Happy” by Mary J Blige. I remember when she first came out, and I was an instant fan. See, I’m from NYC and so I vibed with everything about her style. I loved her music, but I was too young to really know what she was talking about, but I could feel her passion way back then and so I would sing her songs with all the passion my teenage self could muster.

But as life happened, I started understanding her music more and even now that she’s in a more healed place, I love her music now just as I did then. And she is for sure about self care and self love now!

In her early career, a common theme in her music was that of discontent and distress. Discontent being dissatisfaction with her circumstances and distress being anxiety, sorrow or pain. She’s been through some tough times. Some of which I’m sure she feels could have been avoided by increased self care and self love.  

Discontent and distress can have really damaging effects on our mental and physical well-being. They can manifest in both our minds and bodies via anxiety, depression, fatigue and even cardiovascular and neurological issues. These feelings can affect relationships, work, and overall life satisfaction. I would urge anyone to seek therapy to get helpful tools if they are having trouble coping with life’s challenges.

Proper self care is a powerful strategy in managing feelings of discontent and distress and it helps increase our feelings of self-love.

Here are ideas some to implement:

-          Using relaxation techniques (both the right method and frequency)

-          Engaging in fun activities and hobbies

-          Setting boundaries and saying “no” guilt- free

-           Proper nutrition, exercise, and sleep

-          Trim your inner circle by cutting off toxic people

-          Connect with new people who better reflect your interests and goals  

-          Any other (healthy) thing that replenishes your energy and promotes calmness

When Mary sings the hook and she gets to “find a love that’s mine”, what if she were talking about self-love? I know the verses are about being mistreated, but the hook could be about self love. Committing to taking your self-care seriously is an act of self-love and self preservation. Self acceptance is also part of the equation. You can love and accept yourself but also realize that there are likely some things you will have to change about yourself. For example, as we improve how we show self love, many of us would have to continuously work on eliminating negative self talk. And if we are honest with ourselves, a lot of our discontent stems or is strengthened by how we talk to ourselves and how we reinforce negativity via criticism.

Increasing self love and acceptance can come naturally, it doesn’t have to be a difficult process.

Here are some ways to try out:

-          Identify your strengths and positive qualities and figure out a way to lean into them

-          Give yourself the proper credit for things you’ve done and remember how you made it happen

-          Set S.M.A.R.T goals and celebrate your wins

-          Use affirmations

-          Set healthy boundaries to honor how valuable you are

-          Give yourself grace and treat yourself with kindness and compassion

Self- care and self-love work together to help you build resilience. By taking care of yourself and appreciating your worth, you become better equipped to handle challenges and setbacks. This, in turn, reduces feeling of discontent and distress, leading to greater well-being.

Self-care and self-love are important for a happier and healthier life. Which of these tips would you incorporate into your daily routine?